got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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