I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
