all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
