I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
