My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
