so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
