Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
