just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
