All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
