The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
