Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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