BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
