so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
