u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
