she woke up with a sticky ear
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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