I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
