If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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