Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
