Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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