I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
