I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
