My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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