The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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