I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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