this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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