Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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