you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
