Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
