Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
