they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
