Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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