Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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