he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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