I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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