Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
