The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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