Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I currently don't understand fingers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
