all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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