Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize