So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
