I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You have to summon your inner elephant
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
