OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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