i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
