OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
