every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
