i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
