thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize