We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It's Friday. Sex?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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