my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
