Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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