there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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