This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
