I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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