just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
