dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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