I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
