Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
