Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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