i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize