Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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