alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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