Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
